The Top 5 Regrets (National Underwriter Life & Health Magazine)

Top five regrets of the dying 

OCT 29, 2014 | BY PAUL WILSON

There are some very important reasons why we need to get over our fear of death and illness.

One of the biggest hurdles faced by advisors in the life and health sector is the fact that people hate to talk about illness, aging and death. And on some level, who can blame them? It's scary. But as I've written before, there are some very important reasons why we need to get over our fear, or at least learn to handle it like grown ups. 

One of the first steps in this process is simply becoming more comfortable talking about aging and death so we can properly prepare and begin to learn from the wisdom and perspective of those who have faced it before us. 

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent years working in palliative care and caring for patients in the final weeks of their lives. She recorded their most common regrets and collected them in a blog and later a book titled "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing." 

"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," Ware said, "common themes surfaced again and again." These themes provide invaluable insight into what really matters about our lives when we look back on them. 

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, with accompanying thoughts from Ware.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence." 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it." 

Using the Science of Happiness at Work (CNN)

6 ways to be happier at work
This is no time to wallow in negativity. New brain science reveals why staying positive is your best defense against career stagnation.
By Anne Fisher, contributor
Last Updated: August 3, 2009: 10:58 AM ET

NEW YORK (Fortune) -- With widespread job cuts and a recession to deal with, it's not easy to maintain a positive outlook at work these days. But being upbeat, despite the stress, could actually help you thrive during a downturn.
"Most people make the mistake of thinking that success leads to happiness. In fact, our brains work precisely the other way around," says Shawn Achor, head of Aspirant, a consulting firm that advises clients like Microsoft (MSFT, Fortune 500), American Express (AXP, Fortune 500), Credit Suisse (CS), and UBS (UBS) on how to keep morale and productivity up in these extraordinarily difficult times.

A positive approach to the daily grind, he adds, "gives rise to resilience, energy, and the ability to influence other people -- all things that create success."So if you want to come through this downturn with flying colors -- and maybe even a promotion or a raise -- you need to think positive.Achor, who is also resident psychology tutor at Harvard, has done 5 years of research into "positive psychology," otherwise known as the formal academic study of happiness. The field itself has only been around 15 years, but it's made some interesting findings



Among them: "The two most important predictors of success are, first, whether we believe our behavior matters, that is, whether we think we can make a real difference -- and many people lose that belief in hard times, because so much is out of their control," Achor says. "And second, how do you manage stress? Does it paralyze you, or does it move you forward to action?"

Want to train your brain to stay upbeat? Here are six ways to get started:
1. Practice looking for the good. Achor cites studies showing that people who keep a daily "gratitude list" become happier and more successful over time. "For the next 21 days, every night before you go to sleep, think about three things you're grateful for. Say them out loud," Achor suggests. "If you try to make at least one of them work-related, you're training your brain to let go of the daily hassles and notice the good things about your job" - including, of course, having one in the first place.

2. Have some fun. "Many people think the words 'work' and 'fun' are mutually exclusive," Achor notes. But research shows that bursts of lightheartedness, whether from a smile shared with a colleague or a funny clip on YouTube, actually cause people to think more clearly and creatively.

"It turns out that, when we're happy, our neurons fire faster and more efficiently," Achor says. Even when you're working flat-out, use something you enjoy - photos of your last vacation, or reading a blog you get a kick out of - as a reward along the way, he suggests.

3. Brighten your office space. Everything around you affects your frame of mind. "Certain environmental cues can trigger your reflexive brain into needless panic, while others can prime you for creative thinking or calm reflection," Achor notes. "The good news is that you have the power to control much of this input. Surround your desk with pictures and objects that lead you toward positive thoughts. Your mood and your brain will thank you."

4. Keep a journal. If you find yourself worrying about bad news, a scary rumor, or a stressful deadline, take three minutes to write down how you're feeling. "Neuroscientists have discovered that verbalizing negative thoughts can act like a wet blanket on a fire of negative emotions," Achor explains. "The simple act of putting emotions into words immediately decreases their magnitude." So dust off that old diary, or open up a Word document, and try it. Just make sure no one else sees it.
5. Invest in people. "Smart people do stupid things during times of stress, like shutting down their social networks to focus on work," Achor observes. "But in working with companies around the world, I've found that the greatest predictor of success during stress and challenge is the quality and quantity of your relationships."

Decades of research have shown that close ties to family and friends are among the biggest contributors to happiness, and may even help people live longer. "Now more than ever, take the time to strengthen those connections in your life," urges Achor. "You can start small by reaching out to just one person a day."
6. Think of work as a series of sprints, not a marathon. You know what happens when you've been sitting at your desk too long: Your muscles tense up, your eyes glaze over, and your energy lags. What you may not realize, Achor says, is that after two hours of continuous work, your brain function actually slows and your body starts to rapidly accumulate stress and strain.

"So try to split up your workday into short sprints of 90 to 120 minutes each, with a 5-minute break in between," Achor says. "Walk down the hall or around the block, call a friend, listen to a calming piece of music, do some stretching exercises, or eat a high-protein 100- to 200-calorie snack. Not only will you feel less run-down and worn out, but you'll see a jump in your concentration and productivity."



First Published: August 3, 2009: 9:59 AM ET




Links referenced within this article

Anne Fisher
http://money.cnn.com/2009/08/03/news/economy/happy.fortune/mailto:Anne.Fisher@turner.com

Aspirant
http://www.aspirantworld.com